Frank reached out to me in frustration of his church’s lack of support for his call to celibacy. I want someone to tell me they love me the same way I do.” At seventeen years old, Will is lonely and desperate, he doesn’t feel like the Church has anything good to offer him, and he’s afraid for his future.įrank, 43 years later, seems to be stuck in the same haunted house as Will. I don’t feel like a young and vibrant seventeen-year-old. I have had such a horrible time trying to convince myself that, and right now, this is the only way. I honestly don’t care, I just want to feel like God loves me. He responded: "I honestly don’t know if my stance is really all that theological or logical. Recently I’ve been thinking of starving myself.”Īfter encouraging Will to reach out to his therapist, I asked him if he was convinced that Side A was God’s best for him. I don’t even know my own feelings at the moment. I feel so overwhelmed, I find it hard to focus. I can’t even fool my parents that I’m sad. Will said this: “It’s been hard for me to keep it together. His parents did their best to learn about Will’s story and love him well, but the damage was already done. His church continues to avoid the topic, perhaps waiting for all of the gay people in their midst to lose their faith and leave the church so that the church never has to address it (please excuse the dark humor). By the time Will shared his story with his church and family, deep seeds of shame and isolation had already been planted.
He’s grown up in a family and churches that ignored the fact that gay people exist, explaining them away as sexual deviants who chose to be gay.
Will reached out because he’s leaning toward moving from Side B to Side A. They both struggle mightily to obey Christ’s teachings and find joy as gay Christians, and neither of them feel like their church has anything meaningful to offer them. At times, it felt like I was talking to the same person, just 43 years apart. Separately, the two emailed me back and forth over a weekend, and by the fourth email, I couldn't help feeling some deja vu. I’m not using their real names, but their stories are very real. Will is a 17-year-old gay Christian, and Frank is a 60-year-old gay Christian. Email from Frank on Sunday at 4:18 PMĭing. Email from Will on Sunday at 11:21 AMĭing. Email from Frank on Saturday at 10:44 PMĭing. Email from Frank on Friday at 4:22 PMĭing. Email from Will on Friday at 11:24 AMĭing.
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